i like reading my thoughts after i think them.

what the very first milliseconds of a part ii look like.

that moment when you get exactly what you’ve always wanted and wished for, when you finally finish strong and first and win and celebrate, when you realize that what you’ve won isn’t what you’re proud to say you worked so hard for, when you suddenly see things so clearly — how far away you are from what you really want, what you were supposed to want all along but were too damn afraid to stick your neck out for, what is actually quite scary and farfetched and much more probable to fail than succeed.

that is a moment that cannot be ignored. it’s not apathy or boredom or ungratefulness; it’s all that pride finally stepping back and letting confidence fill that place that’s been housing way too many insecurities. it can’t be unseen, unheard, unfulfilled now. it will continue to disrupt sleep with wondrous what-if’s and spit discontentment on all subsequent successes.

in other words, it’s confusing, annoying, persistent and determined, and it won’t ever shut up until you give it what it ask for.

sound familiar?

are you listening?!