i like reading my thoughts after i think them.

and she lives happily ever after.

stupid me. I thought stories had definite endings. especially when the words “happily ever after” appeared onscreen in some curly font with drop shadows, I solidified in my heart that those movie characters not only worked everything out in just enough time for animators to capture, but also that things ultimately—and I mean ultimately—stayed that way, forever. princesses who kissed their princes in the last frame stayed in love for eternity, talking animals who discover courage and acceptance by the end can never doubt their newfound identity. people who found themselves within the timespan that an audience was watching could never lose themselves again, even long after a time when a cameraman seemed to care.

but that’s all pure fiction—scripted, staged and executed for entertainment value. it’s not a documentary, it’s not even social commentary; it’s all part of a business plan to get our money and keep us busy for a couple hours. and I always happily bought into any animated tale’s empty promises and aspired toward their make-believe goal: happily ever after.

so when I hit adulthood, the unscripted truth hit me in the face that my “story” is atypical in comparison to others, in comparison to the stories I had always known. because maybe I’m not done writing. others aren’t really either, even if they seem to be. and happy endings are just stories that haven’t finished yet.

but honestly, I think I just misinterpreted the cliche phrase incorrectly for the past twenty years or so. I thought happiness requires certain templated circumstances in order to exist: prince charming, white horse, gorgeous castle and a crown to match. however, this coveted state of mind that people spend their lives chasing after is actually a choice, made actively for oneself and completely independent of any external factors. caged birds still sing when groveling in poverty, and pretty, rich people are still committing suicide while wearing fur coats and diamonds. no one is immune to crumbling circumstances, but everyone is capable of happiness. now. not after losing a few more pounds, after getting that job, after starting a relationship. the people who really do live happily ever after are the ones who don’t ever hope for any particular thing to happen in order to be happy.

in reality, that’s really all it takes.